Updated: Aug 6
If there hasn't been a time when you haven't felt defeated and broken, then you are living an extraordinary life and I envy you. But for those of us living a normal life with challenges, heartbreaks and disappointments can all relate to at least one point in time when it became almost unbearable. Think of any incident - a breakup, an argument with your significant other, a loss of a loved one, a job loss, kids' drama, financial worries, time constraints - you name it! Sometime if feels never ending, and sometimes, if one ends, another problem arises, and the wheel of issues keeps on spinning. Even if you've learned to adapt to the spinning wheel, particular moments make you feel as if the whole world is falling apart and you have no control over how to stop that wheel and how to put your life back together. It's during those moments when the following tips can come in handy.
1. Step back! - Unless it's an emergency and requires your immediate intervention, step back before you react. Hard to do, but you must pull yourself back from the situation from getting too involved. Whether mental or physical, you must avoid contemplation or confrontation. No matter how bad you want to try to fix whatever that is happening around you or in front of you, it's best to take a back seat during those moments. Okay to observe but remain at a safe distance.
2. Pace your timing - Time to think, time to process, time to analyze, time to heal or time to recharge -before you want to take some action, give yourself some time. How much time will depend on the situation, but it's crucial to understand that it will take you some time before you can react or act again. Two outcomes will happen while you've stepped back and are giving yourself time - either the situation will be resolved by other subject matter experts and/or subside on it's on, or you will come up with a fantastic strategy to solve the problem and/or achieve closure. But unless and until you pace your timing, you won't be able to assess it all.
3. Accept and appreciate - Sounds silly but hear me out. When we achieve something, it activates the "feel good" cells in our brain, thus making us better prepared for future events. If we didn't have obstacles in life, how else would we've learned to overcome those and feel accomplished and proud. Appreciate the fact that problems exist in life, as they teach you to be a better person. Once you've truly accepted this fact, you'll naturally prepare yourself for what is yet to come. Acceptance and appreciation allow you to see the good in everything. Continue reading and you'll see just how.
4. Understand the purpose - Everything in our existence has a purpose behind it. Look around you, who you are today and all that you have today is because it's linked to a root cause. The purpose behind your problems is to encourage you to explore something more while building a deeper connection with your own intelligence. While doing so, you come to distinguish between what holds importance and what is not needed. You learn to make choices and decide for yourselves as you continue to develop with each problem you face. But figuring out the purpose behind any particular "bad" moment requires a lot of thinking and analyzing, for which it important to reflect upon #2.
5. Cherrish optimism - It sure seems like the problem in front of you has existed to attack you, and the attack can feel ever cringing, painful and much of a defeat. But instead, it is allowing you to manifest your life with tools and capabilities. How so? By following the 4 steps above, you come up with a decision that leads to a new or improved path. And if the path you chose doesn't turn out as planned, it only teaches you choose an even more refined path the second or third time around. In the end, all you are left with is experiences, regardless of what path or how many paths you have traveled. And the more you experience the more you learn and the wiser you become. By choosing to stay optimistic you realize that problems exist to work in our favor and not against us.
Once you have a good handle on all 5 steps, you'll notice that you have better control over spinning wheel of issues. You are more and better prepared for problems as they arrive, until eventually, the problems occurring around you no longer impact you. Congratulations, you have learned to build a strategy to overcome the most defeating moments of your life!